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:iconthenaughticallife:
I enjoyed the initial few lines that brought me into a helpless feeling of dread. It seemed you were aiming for a loss of control that stuck and I did appreciate the breaking in the beginning.

As the poem went on it seemed you lost the drive you had in the beginning. The conflicting imagery of a soft landing was marred by the unseeming reference to sorrow in the tears.

I think I can see what you went for, and I like it. Some of the imagery and metaphor (at the end) didn't bring the piece home the way I'd hoped it would. I think if you revisit this poem a few times and bang it out you'll have a solid poem.
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:iconakarra:
*akarra Jan 6, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks for your input! I really wasn't aiming for dread of any sort. Wanted the last few lines to convey some whimsy and weirdness.
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:iconthenaughticallife:
~TheNAUGHTicalLife Jan 6, 2013  Professional Writer
Okay. I can see what you mean. Like I said, I like it as a rough draft and I think you could make it into a strong piece of work. Always glad to help, for what it's worth.
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:iconakarra:
*akarra Jan 6, 2013  Student Writer
Your input is welcome.
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